An aging mother took flak from Redditors after she refused to accept responsibility for her adult daughter’s mental issues. Mom just doesn’t can’t believe her parenting style was a problem. Here is the full story.
They’ve Never Been Close
OP is a 62-year-old woman with a 28-year-old daughter.
The two women have had a rough relationship since the moment the girl was born.
She Was Depressed
Looking back, OP thinks she may have had postpartum depression, but she knows there were other factors involved in their troubles.
They Left It All Behind
For one thing, OP and her husband fled from their home country with their kids when her daughter was still a little girl.
They Were the Problem
But the biggest issue in their relationship was the way OP and her husband treated her daughter, at least in the girl’s eyes.
They Wanted the Best for Her
OP says that they were very strict with their daughter, who is their oldest, because they wanted her to fit in and make the most of her western upbringing.
They Were Hard on Her
So when the girl started to struggle in school, OP and her husband clamped down to try and get her moving forward.
She Couldn’t Do Anything
OP admits that she used negative reinforcement with her daughter, keeping her from seeing friends and restricting most of her other freedoms.
She Was Easier
Meanwhile, OP had a second daughter, who is now 24 years old.
The younger girl always excelled in school, so OP and her husband afforded her more freedoms.
She Got Everything
Pretty much whatever OP took away from her older daughter, she let her younger daughter have and do with no arguments.
They Were Always at Odds
It made for many tense moments in OP’s house while the girls were growing up, and she never really did grow closer to her older daughter.
She’s Hard on Herself
Now, OP’s older daughter is a master’s student, and she’s very hard on herself even though she’s passing all her classes and exams.
She’s Depressed, Too
OP knows that her daughter has also been struggling with depression and that that’s part of the reason she’s upset about school.
She Was Mad at Herself
But recently, OP witnessed her daughter lose control of her emotions when she didn’t get the highest score on an exam.
She Wanted Reasons
OP tried to calm her daughter down and reinforce that she was doing well.
When her words fell on deaf ears, OP asked her daughter why she was the way she was.
It Was All Their Fault
That set off OP’s daughter, who told her mother that her depression and struggles with mental health were her parents’ fault.
They had been so strict with her growing up that she couldn’t cope well as an adult.
She Wouldn’t Cop to It
OP admitted that she and her husband had probably been too harsh with their daughter, but she wasn’t ready to take the full blame.
The Other One Was Fine
OP pointed out that her younger daughter didn’t have the same issues as her oldest child.
Then she dropped the bomb.
She Blamed Her Daughter
With her daughter still reeling and hurting, OP said that it wasn’t her parenting style that caused the young woman’s problems.
It was a flaw in the girl’s own personality.
She Lashed Out
That accusation devastated the girl, and she called OP an a******.
He Thinks She Went Too Far
OP later told her husband about the argument, and he thinks she went too far in trying to defend herself.
She’s Not the Problem
Now, OP isn’t sure if she will ever have a decent relationship with her older daughter. But she still thinks her younger daughter is proof that her parenting wasn’t the problem.
Redditors came down really hard on OP and told her that she was completely off base with both her parenting and her reaction to her daughter.
Most of them think it’s obvious that the strict rules OP and her husband made their daughter live by were the main cause of her emotional struggles today. And many of them suggest that the parents were downright abusive to their children, especially their older daughter.
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