In a recent Reddit post, a user shared her dilemma regarding her sister coming out. Here’s what happened.
Her Sister Came Out
OP’s sister who’s in her 40s underwent a journey of self-discovery and came out as queer about six months ago.
She Got Engaged
Engaging in a very serious relationship, she moved in with her new partner, along with her two children, after a couple of months, and they eventually got engaged.
Her Sister Entered Into Relationships Quickly
Interestingly, this was the first person she dated after embracing her identity and joining queer apps.
OP shared that her sister tended to enter relationships swiftly – a bit too quickly, to be honest.
She Had Problems With It
However, these relationships often came to an end as she realized she hadn’t fully known her partners before committing to marriage.
Each time, she made vows to exercise more caution in her future endeavors.
But things didn’t change, despite the gender being different this time.
Coming Out to the Family
She had disclosed her identity to their immediate family, including aunts and uncles.
Her Family Was Religious
Hailing from a conservative Christian fundamentalist family, they responded exactly as expected – a reaction that proved heartbreaking but unsurprising.
The Grandparents Didn’t Know About This
Interestingly, the only family members unaware of her identity were OP’s elderly grandparents, who were also intensely conservative and held homophobic views.
They Were Important
OP’s feelings toward them were complex due to their beliefs, but despite that, they were important in her life.
Their Mother’s Request
When OP’s sister initially came out, their mother requested that she refrain from sharing this aspect of herself with the grandparents.
Her Sister Wanted to Come Out in the Wedding
But OP’s sister recently informed them that she would not hide her identity from anyone during OP’s wedding weekend, and thus, the grandparents were likely to find out.
She Requested Not To Come Out
OP candidly asked her not to do so.
OP shared that she was the only family member who celebrated her sister’s coming out and maintained a regular relationship with her.
She Wanted Her Wedding to Be Peaceful
Her desire was for the wedding weekend not to revolve around her sister’s identity as a queer person, but rather to be as peaceful and enjoyable as possible.
Most of OP’s family conversations seemed to entail OP defending and affirming her sister’s identity.
Her Engagement Period Revolved Around Her Sister
OP mentioned that she didn’t imply that her sister owed her anything by stating this but aimed to communicate that the engagement period with her fiancé had largely centered around the conflict between her sister and their family.
Her Sister Became Emotional
Upon requesting that she to avoid coming out to their grandparents during the wedding weekend, her sister became emotional and tearfully expressed that she could no longer bear the burden of hiding her true self.
Her Sister Didn’t Care
She said that their grandparents were among the people who had forced her into concealing her identity, and she no longer cared if they were upset about her coming out.
Despite this, OP remained steadfast in her request.
She Asked Reddit
She took to Reddit to ask whether she was in the wrong for making this request and more than five hundred comments poured in saying that she wasn’t wrong at all.
Don’t Steal the Spotlight at Someone’s Wedding!
One Reddit user wrote, “NTA. Your wedding isn’t an appropriate time for this. She’s forty years old, she should know better.”
Another user commented, “In fact, considering that you very much support her when the rest of the family doesn’t, it makes me angry on your behalf that she refuses to not cause a big scene at your wedding.”
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The post She Asked Her Sister Not to Come Out as Queer to Their Grandparents at Her Wedding first appeared on Career Step Up.
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