Recently, on Reddit’s subthread “Am I The A**Hole?” (AITA), a big discussion was triggered by a Redditor who sought advice from the community on whether she was wrong for refusing to pay for a free bar at her daughter’s wedding.
The Redditor said that both she and her husband had a great relationship with the daughter, but the drinks’ cost had caused a major argument.
The Original Poster (OP) said that she had agreed to cover most of the wedding expenses, including catering, flowers, and cake.
They said they wouldn’t pay for a wedding dress, veil, and headpiece; these were a gift bought for the daughter by the grandparents.
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When it came to the drinks, the daughter and her fiancé wanted a free bar paid for by OP and her husband.
The daughter was upset with the mom for not agreeing to cover the cost of every drink for their guests, but she was insistent they wouldn’t do it.
The thread generated lively debate among Redditors.
OP described the fiancé as usually someone who is laid back, had called her an a**hole, and accused OP of “trying to control them and dictate what they do for their wedding, and I don’t have the right to.”
To get around the issue, OP proposed to set a budget of $10 per drink and asked that the guests or the couple would have to cover the remaining cost.
She said that expensive drinks were between $7-$8, so $10 seemed about right. She thought, “I didn’t think it was unreasonable for me to set the boundaries for my budget, so I wasn’t upset about it.”
OP called her daughter to tell her what she was doing, but it only seemed to make things worse. Her daughter was still angry; a limit per drink wasn’t enough, and she and her fiancé again called OP an a**hole.
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OP recognized that her decision to set a $10 limit per drink may have made her seem like an ‘a**hole.’ However, she added that this didn’t mean she was setting a limit on her overall contribution.
OP finished the story by asking Reddit where she was an a**hole. She said, “I don’t think I am, but I’ll take my verdict fair and square.”
Moony-21 gave the most upvoted response saying that OP was not the a**hole (NTA). They said, “Your daughter sounds entitled and spoiled.”
They went onto say, “Does she even realize how lucky she is to have someone pay for her wedding? My fiancé and I have no f*****g financial support so forgive me that it makes me sick to see someone so unappreciative of everything you are doing.”
Another Redditor, Aussie_nub added, “There’s a super easy way to fix that. ‘Sorry kiddo, we’ve decided that we’re no longer paying for the bar.’ If they continue to fight it ‘Ok, no problem. You can have whatever you like now that you’re paying for it all.'”
RedRixen83 echoed what others had contributed by saying, “Holy cow is your kid entitled. A limit is good just in general – no one needs to be getting tanked at a wedding. But you’re literally paying for everything, and haven’t butted in in any other plans.”
The common response from other Redditors was that the mom was NTA. But what do you think? Was the mom within her rights to put her foot down? Was the olive branch of the $10 limit enough, or should she not even have done that?
This was a great Reddit discussion about something that’s too common with families and weddings. Our article has been inspired by Reddit and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Career Step Up.
This article was produced by Mama Say What?! and syndicated by Career Step Up.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Viacheslav Boiko. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.