This woman recently lost her father, but she’s not ready to take on her mother full-time. She’s helping however she can, but draws the line at letting her move in.
A Family With a Small House
The Orignal Poster (OP) is 30 years old and lives in a small three-bedroom house with her husband, and their two young children, aged 6 months and 3 years.
The Passing of Her Father
Following the passing of her 76-year-old father in January 2023, her 67-year-old mother wanted to sell their house. She wanted to move closer to her daughter’s family and retire as soon as possible.
Helping Her Mother With Decluttering
Over the course of multiple weekends, OP and her husband dedicated numerous hours to assisting her mother in decluttering, disposing of items, donating belongings, and organizing the contents of her spacious three-bedroom house. She hadn’t done any decluttering in at least 30 years.
Her House Was Not Close
OP’s mother’s house was approximately a 40-minute drive away from their own house.
Supporting Her Mother in Any Way She Could
OP supported her mother in making crucial decisions regarding her retirement and helping her determine if it was financially viable. It was, but she would have to be frugal.
Her Mother Didn’t Know How to Pay Bills
Her mother had little knowledge of bill payments or their household budget, as her late father had taken care of those responsibilities.
OP and her husband willingly offered their assistance, remaining deeply involved in guiding her through these significant life changes.
She Could Stay Only for a Bit
Early on, her mother asked if she could potentially stay with them temporarily if her house sells before finding an apartment.
In response, OP expressed her willingness to help, but due to the limited space in their cramped house, they could only accommodate her for a few weeks to a month.
She suggested reaching out to a friend if she needed to stay somewhere longer.
Her Mother’s Reaction
Initially, her mother expressed gratitude for their offer.
However, as time passed, she began questioning her reasons for not wanting her to stay with them, asking things like, “Why don’t you want me to stay?” or “Which one of you doesn’t want me to stay?” in an interrogative tone.
She Stopped Looking for a Place to Live
Around this time, they noticed her mother’s lack of effort in actively seeking an alternative living arrangement. She only seemed to apply to apartment buildings with extensive wait lists.
OP reiterated that she could still stay with them, but only if she was actively looking for a suitable place to live.
Her Time Is Running Out
Now, with her mother’s house set to sell, she had to vacate the premises by May 31, but she was yet to secure a new apartment.
With just 11 days remaining, her mother called them. While the timeline had accelerated unexpectedly, her mother had agreed to the increased timeframe.
Her Mother’s Constant Excuses
She mentioned being on the waitlist for a new apartment building, estimating it might become available in a month, although there was no definite opening date.
Despite her insistence, OP’s mother presented numerous excuses for not seeking an alternative, such as feeling safe only in that particular location and requiring in-unit laundry facilities and a garage for her car during winter.
Telling Her She Can’t Live With Them, AGAIN
Understanding the urgency of the situation, OP informed her that she could not live with them unless they helped find an available apartment immediately or in the near future.
In response, her mother stated she would rather live in her car with her cat and use gym showers than search for another place to live.
Her Mother Deletes Her on Social Media
Upon firmly setting her boundaries in a calm manner, her mother’s final words were, “Okay fine, I bet your father is smiling down on you,” followed by unfriending her on Facebook.
Maintain Your Boundaries
“Your mum is being manipulative and entitled. I’m glad you set your boundaries, they’ll protect you and your family.” One Redditor responded.
“I have to wonder if maybe a part of it is…she’s lonely? Not only losing her husband of however many years, if it was in part due to old age then she also is gonna be thinking about how it’s probably almost her time as well,” one concerned user questioned.
Another user simply put, “Don’t use your kids as a retirement plan.”
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The post Her Ultimatum Might Leave Her Widowed Mother Homeless, but She’s Committed to Her Boundaries! first appeared on Career Step Up.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Mix and Match Studio. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.