In a recent Reddit post, a user found herself confronted with a challenging dilemma regarding her mother and partner. Here’s what happened.
Her Mother Suffers From Dementia
Anna’s mother is 66 and suffers from dementia. She has a tendency to unexpectedly drop homophobic comments.
She Told Her Partner About It
Anna had previously warned her partner, Sarah, about her mother’s hurtful remarks.
She made it clear that her mother’s racist and homophobic behavior were the reasons she had not introduced Sarah to her.
She Couldn’t Correct Her Mother
Through personal experience, Anna had learned that attempting to argue, rationalize, or correct such harmful behavior was futile.
Her Mother Would Forget What Happened
Her mother would apologize but quickly forget her words, making it challenging to effect lasting change.
Anna’s stance was supported by her mother’s doctors, who agreed that attempting to correct such behavior was a wasted effort.
Her Partner Insisted on Meeting Her
Despite Anna’s reservations, Sarah insisted on meeting her mother.
Anna reiterated her concerns, explaining why she was against the meeting.
She Introduced Her Partner
However, Sarah remained determined.
Eventually, Anna agreed, and the meeting took place as planned.
Things Happened as Expected
Predictably, Anna’s mother exhibited the same behavior that Anna had been warned about.
Her Partner Became Angry
Things took a turn when Sarah became angry with Anna for not defending or correcting her mother’s hurtful remarks.
She Reminded Her Partner
Anna stood her ground and reminded Sarah that she had already forewarned her about her mother’s tendencies.
She acknowledged that her mother had a sharp tongue, but insisted that it was not worth the effort to address the behavior.
She Tried to Lighten the Situation
To lighten the mood, Anna attempted to make jokes, but this only upset Sarah further.
Her Partner Questioned Her Actions
However, despite Anna’s explanations, Sarah continued to question Anna’s actions, accusing her of being a failure as a partner for tolerating such behavior.
She Was Not in the Wrong
Anna reminded her girlfriend that she had previously explained the situation, and yet Sarah had still insisted on the meeting.
Anna questioned whether Sarah truly expected her to embark on the emotionally draining task of correcting someone who often did not recognize her own identity due to dementia.
She Accepted Her Mother for Who She Was
She had already fought that battle for years and found it to be too painful. She had been faced with a choice of either accepting her mother’s behavior or sever ties with her.
Ultimately, Anna chose to maintain a relationship with her mother, driven by her deep love and connection to her. She believed she had made the right decision.
The Dinner With Friends
However, the issue resurfaced during a recent dinner with friends, leading to an intense confrontation.
Her Friends Criticized Her
Anna faced harsh judgment and criticism from those around her. Friends labeled her as the “worst type of person” for not taking a stronger stance against her mother’s behavior.
One friend even suggested that Anna should disown her mother.
She Was Hurt
Overwhelmed by the judgment, Anna left the dinner feeling hurt.
Now, reflecting on her choices, Anna wonders if she was wrong for not correcting her mother’s behavior and downplaying its seriousness.
She took to Reddit to ask whether she was in the wrong in the situation.
Thousands of comments poured in saying that Anna was not wrong for what she did.
Redditors Sided With Her
One Reddit user wrote, “A lot of people don’t understand what it’s like to have a loved one with dementia. There is absolutely nothing you can do, and it generally only gets worse over time. You did your best to explain to your partner, and they chose not to heed your warning. Everything that happened as soon as they opened that door is on them, not you.”
Another Redditor commented, “NTA. I’m sorry you’re going through this and are stuck with such shitty friends and a partner. Dementia is a beast of a disease. Anyone who will claim with confidence that this is who your Mother has always been isn’t doing their research.”
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The post Her Girlfriend Is Furious at Her for Not Standing Up to Homophobia, but There’s a Catch first appeared on Career Step Up.
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